Archive for January, 2007

Filed under: Independent, Sundance, DIY/Filmmaking, Cinematical Indie

The third and final Cinematical video roundtable from the 2007 Sundance Film Festival is more than just a wrap-up of this year’s movies; it’s a pretty rollicking discusion of the Sundance state of the union, with myself as your host, Cinematical Indie Managing Editor Kim Voynar, Rotten Tomatoes Editor Jennifer Yamato and Chicago Tribune Film Critic Michael Phillps; here’s the second installment …

… and the third.

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Filed under: Comedy, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Deals, Newsstand, Dreamworks

Just when you thought they had run out of time traveling ideas, comes word that DreamWorks has picked up the sci-fi comedy spec script Gullible’s Travels, written by Open Season scribes Ron Friedman and Steve Bencich. While Marty and Doc used a DeLorian and Bill and Ted accessed the past through a magical phone booth, the main character in Gullible’s Travels — supposedly, the world’s most gullible man — will travel through time via a portable toilet. (Better make sure there’s enough toilet paper, because I’m pretty positive there was none of that extra fluffy stuff back in 1868.)

Story follows our hero as he hops between the future and the past in search of the woman he loves … only just when he thinks he’s found her, he realizes that it’s not his lover, but distant relatives of the woman he’s seeking. On the surface, the plot seems a bit odd — did his girlfriend venture off to take care of business, then suddenly disappear (literally) when she flushed the toilet? And, is he now making it his quest to find her? Why a portable toilet? Are they supposed to be funny … because every portable toilet I’ve encountered has left me with the need to take back-to-back-to-back showers in order to wash the stench of death from off my body?

Friedman and Bencich made a name for themselves by penning animated scripts for Open Season, as well as Brother Bear and Chicken Little, though Gullible’s Travels appears to be heading in the live action direction. And that about wraps it up … for some reason I really need to go to the bathroom right now. Cheers!

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(INF)

Scrub-A-Dub is not feeling Brit's divorce settlement offer . And he's blaming it on the kids. Lies.

Kevin Federline turned down a $25 million divorce settlement from the "Oops, I Did It Again" singer, according to Star.

At one point, Federline was reportedly looking for $50 million from his estranged wife and the mother of two of his children -- but the source insists it's not greed -- but love of their kids.

"Kevin says that Britney offered him $10 million to walk away from their marriage and to relinquish custody of their kids, but he just laughed. Then she came back with $20 million which he turned down too," a source told the tab "Now he says she's offering a whopping $25 million, and that's her final offer. He told her to take a hike! He loves his two little boys, and there's no way he's going to disappear from their lives."

Call me cynical but I'm sensing it has more to do with a payday then the two trailer chitlins. I mean, how else is this guy going to earn money? Dressing up as a taco and handing out flyers? Stealing car radios?

Sharon Stone's crazy ass is spouting off about how Isaiah Washington's damage control trip to therapy is ridiculous . Isaiah is also receiving support via haikus posted by Melissa Etheridge's wife, Tammy Lynn Michaels. Uh, what is with the lesbians and the haikus? This bitch is ripping off Rosie O'Donnell. I knew my Sapphic sisters were into Xena re-runs, F-150's and softball but haikus? This is really battering down those stereotypes. Dental dams away!

Sharon sez:

"'I've been called a b*tch - and a lot worse - for years. And you know what, so what? People who think that aren't going to change their minds," she told the paper. "And I wouldn't dream of sending them to therapy to 'rehabilitate' their feelings. How absurd. Please, I call all my gay friends 'big fags'."

That's nice, Shar. Keep ya legs closed, Old.

Keep reading for what Tammy Lynn Whatever's haiku plea for Isaiah had to say.

Gay actress Tammy Lynn Michaels, partner of rock star Melissa Etheridge, defended the actor in a posting on her blog, Hollywood Farm Girl. She says the Isaiah Washington that she has come to know through playdates with their respective children "is not that man" described in the press as a hot-tempered, homophobic outcast.

Michaels writes:

he is not a bad man ...
i forgive his words,
because truth be told
i do not believe
the word
faggot
lives in his heart

It may not live in his heart, but it's coming out of his damn lips! Melissa, put the kibosh on your wife's antics. Rosie should sue her for ripping off her completely annoying way of expressing herself.

Filed under: Comedy, Horror, Trailer Trash, Movie Marketing

Well, I think Uwe Boll has just solidified both his nomination and win for next year’s Razzie nods with his upcoming horror flick, Postal. Okay, so that was probably set in stone well before the trailer hit the Internet this week, but now it would take a lot to upset the prolifically bad director — even with the likes of the 3% good Epic Movie. We’ve been following the flick for a while now, when there was rumors of Cohen and when Boll decided to write a certain letter, well before Lohan’s written words seared our eyes.

If you’re wondering just what Boll plans to bring to the screen to tell the story of a postal worker who goes crazy and starts killing everyone, just imagine some Osama, dead schoolchildren and I sh*t you not — Dave Foley, in all his naked glory, followed by the actor dropping some kids off at the pool. (Is that really, really necessary?) Not only will we have a full-frontal assault, but the scenes seem to be shaping up to be something that makes Lars Von Trier’s commentary on America seem all sorts of sissy.

With Postal all wrapped up, I wonder how long it will take before he heads to the next banned video game. I won’t be surprised if, in the next year, Boll announces that he’s going to make a movie version of Thrill Kill. Perhaps it will be an adaptation about a crappy movie director who gets sent to an insane asylum and beats the crap out of movie reviewers with his leg.

YouTube has the (leaked?) trailer, and luckily, there’s no Foley nudity present, although the bathroom bit is.

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• Hello magazine gave us our first look at Diddy's new twin daughters, D'Lilah Star and Jesse James. [YBF]
• Ryan Phillippe apparently has a new broad; photographers spotted the actor and the unknown woman having dinner at a West Hollywood restaurant. [Celebitchy]
• Michael Lohan's sad jailhouse letters to daughter Lindsay Lohan make me want to never drink and beat up my brother in law, unlike Michael, who is currently in jail for doing just that. [SOW]
• The Spring 2007 "Be Cool" Mischa Barton Keds campaign doesn't inspire me to buy tennis shoes, but it does inspire me to play croquet while looking under-fed. [False Icon]
• AskMen.com released their "Top 99 Most Desirable Women" list, and to everyone's surprise, Scarlett Johansson wasn't number one of the list for once; she was number two. [Derek Hail]
• Gawker continued their virtual hair-pulling match with actor/writer Eric Schaeffer; I continued to be enthralled by their snarkiness. [Gawker]