Archive for the 'The View' Category

This is kind of eh. Whoopi Goldberg looks to be Rosie O’Donnell’s replacement on “The View”. I was seriously pulling for Courtney Love or even Roseanne or battleaxe Sharon Osbourne. They need a crazy in there to keep the momentum going. Whoopi should do ok, I guess. I can’t see her putting up with the twit at the end of the table.

“As far as everyone at ABC is concerned, she has the job,” a network insider confirms to Star. “They have been meeting with Kathy Griffin, Rosanne Barr, Ricki Lake and Gayle King.” While Kathy was a strong contender, Whoopi has won everyone over.”

“Everyone is acting like Whoopi already has the gig,” the show insider adds.

“Whoopi has a radio show, she lives in NYC and she is an institution. She also is liberal and outspoken but not crazy like Rosie was. She will be a perfect fit as far as the ladies on The View are concerned.” Nothing has been officially announced,” says the insider. “But it is 99 percent Whoopi at this point. They will have a few guest hosts throughout the summer but the executives and producers at The View are set on Ms. Goldberg to start in the fall.”

Supposedly, she’s even being offered the same kind of year-to-year contract Ro had. So she can jet when the going gets tough. Or when she can’t stand Barbara’s musty odor anymore. You know there’s a smell of gravedust going on.

On the first new “The View” since the hag brawl, Hasselbeck lied through her chiclets and said that she and Rosie had been “in communication a lot” over the weekend and everything was dandy. O’Donnell’s already stated that they exchanged a brief e-mail and would probably never speak again after that. So stop lying, Liz. And then Barbara Walters’ old ass told us that a split screen was commonplace. “The View” is not a Brian DePalma film, Hagatha!

Tuesday’s show - for which O’Donnell had been deleted from the opening credits - began with guest co-host Whoopi Goldberg asking Walters, “What’s new?” - to which Walters responded, “Have you been living under a rock?”

Walters then recapped the events of last week, blaming the Iraq War for being an emotional issue that exacerbated some already underlying tensions at the show. Walters also repeatedly expressed her admiration, affection and appreciation for O’Donnell and her contributions this past season. “We wanted her to stay,” Walters said of the behind-the-scenes negotiations.

Rosie quit three weeks before her scheduled end date because of the brouhaha. I’m just excited to see who they get to replace her. Get someone equally wacky in there! Hasselbeck went on to talk some bullshit about the power of forgiveness. I think she’s just making sure she doesn’t get her ass run over by the Dykes on Bikes.

Seriously, how will the producers of this show keep up the momentum after Ro leaves? Post-shrieky catfight with Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Rosie O’Donnell’s “chief writer” Janette Barber was escorted from the “The View” studios by security. It seems that she was defacing pictures of Elisabeth Hasselbeck that hang in the studio lobby. By drawing moustaches on them. Damn, the lesbian mafia is on the move. Watch out, Liz! They’re gonna find you in a shallow grave in Northhampton, MA!

The Post’s Adam Buckman reports ABC confirmed in a statement only that “photographs at ‘The View’s’ offices were defaced. Rosie O’Donnell was not in the building. ABC Legal and Human Resources are investigating the matter.” Barber is an old friend of O’Donnell who worked with her years ago on “The Rosie O’Donnell Show.” There were also rumors O’Donnell was so angry after her argument with Hasselbeck that she trashed her dressing room, although ABC denied the tantrum.

Rosie, meanwhile, is writing vague answers to fan’s questions on her haiku site and officially due back on Tuesday. Drawing moustaches is kinda quaint. That chick must be old school. Like “Guys and Dolls” old school. Most of today’s broads would have written “DOUCHE” across her forehead and keyed her car. I’m not kidding. We live in a violent cutthroat world. Lock your doors.

Rosie O’Donnell has alerted the global media via website haiku that she will not longer be verbally backhanding Elisabeth Hasselbeck on “The View” because Hasselbeck’s with child . First off, please stop with the haikus. It’s not adorable, or whimsical or heartfelt. It’s irritating, and makes me feel guy-premenstrual to have to adjust my eyes to reading goddamn stanzas. Secondly, why is she punishing people who watch “The View” by letting that empty-headed Jesus freak blab her tired nonsense just because her husband’s dick works? What did they ever do to her? Poor “View” fans. Poor the rest of us, I still have to report on this mess.

After yesterday’s show, in which she and Hasselbeck traded heated words on their favorite verbal battleground — the war in Iraq — Rosie decided to back down, especially with Elisabeth three months pregnant. Or, as she put it, in her free-verse style:

on the view
u have seen my last hasselbeck spat
2 day was it
no more - its done
there is a new life
there - inside
and in the end -
what else matters

Today, unavoidably, the discussion turned to President Bush and Iraq, and Rosie’s restraint was evident — she just changed the topic.

Elisabeth needs to have her baby IN Iraq and shut her face. And if Rosie keeps writing these shitty poems, she needs to accompany her.

The strong difference of opinion between young, conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the rest of “The View” ladies–especially Rosie O’Donnell–has been the source of the show’s renewed popularity in its tenth year. Every time the ladies launch into a heated discussion about a topic that has Elisabeth pitted against the rest of the group, American happily tunes into watch the sparks fly. However, Hasselbeck claims that she personally holds no ill will against Rosie, and that even though she may differ vastly from the outspoken comedian when it comes to politics, she enjoys a friendship with O’Donnell off-screen and hopes Rosie decides to return for another year on “The View.” From the L.A. Times:

If there’s tension in the show’s makeup room, it’s over whether O’Donnell will re-up for another year of provocative banter.

“I hope she does,” Hasselbeck said. “I tell her every day, ‘We have a lot to talk about — you better be here.’”

If it’s bickering America likes seeing, then I have a pitch for a great daytime talk show idea, in which I chat with my Latin aunts about why I’m right and they’re crazy. My grandmother can moderate, even though I know she’ll keep getting distracted and ask me to give her a manicure.

Saying that she’s through talking about Combover, Rosie concluded her months long bitching about Trump marathon by leading her co-hosts in mockery of him . Hey, at least it didn’t involve her upside down in a bondage sling because that made me tense. Hell, it made America tense. I didn’t know if her shirt was coming down/up to reveal some boobage or the sling was going to have difficulty because she’s rubenesque or something equally mortifying. I was also nervous Joy Behar might sabotage things because Rosie has basically taken her role as loud bitch and she’s now the understudy. I don’t like when TV plays with my emotions like that. I’m depressed but I think hanging upside down in a sling would just make me feel like my melon was going to explode. And my Irish melon is big. People would get struck down by the chunks. My mental illness would have led to countless deaths! Thanks, Rosie!

First, you tilt your head to one side and flop your hair thataway. Then, grab your locks and toss them, imperiously, the other way across your scalp. The whole time, purse your lips and lightly squint your eyes in an I’m-a-balding-blowhard-billionaire scowl. Bingo! You’re doing the Trump-Over!

Conan O’Brien’s been doing it for years, but today, on the Daytime Emmy-nominated “The View,” Rosie O’Donnell was joined by Joy, Elisabeth and guest host Susie Essman in a new, feminized version — prompted by Trump’s latest attack on Rosie’s inversion therapy for chronic depression.

Oh, and don’t even think she’s seriously gonna stop talking about him. She can’t resist. Theirs is a love story, and the final chapter hasn’t been written yet.

Enough with the tears . Wah! I’m Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Big Rose made fun of my opinion that our phone calls should be able to be listened in on by the government! Wah! I realized I was hired to be the conservative punching bag! Wah! They didn’t hire me because I’m smart! Wah! I was on “Survivor”! Shut up, Elisabeth.

AN on-air dig from co-host Rosie O’Donnell during an episode of “The View” this week left co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck in tears after the taping, sources told Page Six. “Elisabeth just can’t take it any more,” the insider said of her tensions with O’Donnell, who constantly slams her conservative stance. Things got especially ugly on Wednesday. Hasselbeck said she supported the government’s access to citizens’ phone conversations. Liberal O’Donnell responded, “Elisabeth, you are very young and you are very wrong.” Hasselbeck accused Rosie of ageism and broke down later off-camera. By yesterday afternoon, Rosie had blogged: “i said some of elisabeth’s comments were ignorant which was ignorant itself.” This wasn’t the first time the women have clashed on camera, but sources told us the insult was the last straw for Hasselbeck. “Her days there are numbered. She is looking to leave,” said the spy, who hinted that Hasselbeck was shopping for a permanent spot at E!

Rosie’s rep says they get along great, and that the difference of opinion makes “The View” great. I thought it was watching four hagged-out yentas say dumb shit. Oh please please please replace her with that girl from America’s Next Top Model from the beginning of last season who doesn’t like gays. Please please please.